11 Questions for an Author: An Interview with Jaiyé, the creator of Black Girl Bliss
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Y’all I am hooked on interviewing other book lovers! A couple of weeks ago, I interviewed Fatima Muhammad, the owner of Sscarlet’s Web, an amazing online bookstore. I learned so much about her journey. Feel free to check out what she had to say here.
This week, I have the pleasure of sharing the words of Jaiyé, the creator of Black Girl Bliss, an amazing treasure trove of information on self-care that we all need in our lives. Check out what she had to say below:
1) I’ve had the pleasure of reading your amazing works, “Pussy Prayers,” and “Please” both of which gave me so much insight into how to live a balanced and pleasure filled life. What was the inspiration behind these books?
My books are based on my own experiences, and I had never read any books talking about things that resonated with me or the things I wanted to know more about. Nobody was talking about the things that I knew Black women and femmes were going through or wanted to explore but were afraid to say out loud, so I said it out loud for all of us.
2) Can you share with us some books and/or authors that inspired you to create your work?
I can’t say that there is any particular book or author that inspired me to create my first book or the following books. I wrote what I felt I like I needed to read as a teen or young adult. I do love self-transformation and personal development books, but that space is really not as diverse as it should be. If anything, I knew that there were Black women and femmes looking for these kinds of books and having to sift through authors and books that didn’t align with their identities or experiences, so I wanted to created something for us in that space.
These two books gave me new insight into how I was living.
3) What is your ideal achievement behind creating such unique work? Five years from now, what do you want to have achieved?
I didn’t start Black Girl Bliss with any end goal in mind. I created it because I felt like Black women and femmes needed this kind of space. It would be great to see people continue to buy the books, passing them on to their sisters, daughters, nieces, mothers, etc. What I hear most often is that there is deep lineage healing work happening as a result of me being willing to share my experiences, my mistakes, and my lessons so I’m grateful that I can help so many people change the trajectory of their own lives and the lives of people around them.
4) What keeps you grounded in your day-to-day life? Do you have practices that you can recommend for us?
Recognizing when I need self-care and when I need to self-soothe. Being intentional about engaging in the activities that make me feel the way I want to feel most often. I think everyone can benefit from making their desires a priority. Ask yourself how you want to feel every day and then regularly do the things that make you feel that way.
There’s even a coloring book to guide you on your path to self-care.
5) In “Please” you make a distinction between “self-care” and “self-soothing.” Can you expound on that for us?
Self-soothing is something we do to regulate our nervous system and bring us back to a neutral emotional state. When we’re overwhelmed or frustrated or sad, we can get back to a sense of calm and peace when we engage in activities that don’t require a lot from us. Watching TV, drinking, smoking, comfort foods, even sex can be ways of self-soothing. It’s the coping mechanism we have to make ourselves feel better as quickly as possible.
Once you’re back in your neutral, centered, calm state, true self-care can occur. Self-care involves the activities that make you feel the way you want to feel most often. But self-care activities don’t resonate when you’re on edge, on the other end of the emotional spectrum. So most of the time, self-soothing needs to come first.
6) Where do recommend that people start when it comes to living a life filled with pleasure?
The easiest place to start is by naming what you don’t want to deal with anymore, what you’re tired of, what you can’t stand, what gets on your nerves or makes you depressed or anxious and taking steps to either change or get rid of that. Once that space is made, it’s easier to see what you would like to explore and experience in your life, even if you’re unsure exactly what you want.
7) Do you offer classes to assist women in finding their pleasure in life?
Black Girl Bliss offers workshops, classes, and programs to help Black women and femmes pursue and prioritize pleasure to create the life they desire and deserve. Pleasure Prep School (pleasureprepschool.com) is the signature Black Girl Bliss program that helps students who are tired of struggling and giving all of themselves to people, places, and things that don’t pour back into them or have done all the things they thought they had to do in order to be considered successful but at the expense of their own happiness and fulfillment and leads them through the process of releasing limiting beliefs and behaviors so that they can confidently build a life around their joy, satisfaction, ease, comfort, and peace.
How will you create more pleasure in your life?
8) How do you think the world would change if people learned to lead a pleasure filled life?
I think we’d see a lot less violence, people would be so much more fulfilled and content with themselves and their lives. I think we would see incredible innovations and unparalleled talent in all different sectors because people would be doing the things they loved. Children would be encouraged to follow their passions and explore their interests, no matter how unusual they may seem. People would be a lot more generous because they would understand that the world is abundant and has more than enough resources for everyone to thrive. I think that would make people feel less compelled to hoard and control everything they can. It would objectively change the world for the better, I’m 1000% sure of that.
9) As an author, what are three books that you’ve read that you can recommend to others?
A book I just read that I am infatuated with is Untamed by Glennon Doyle. It’s such a perfect of example of everything that I believe and teach in action in someone’s very real, messy, unpredictable life. When people tell me that they don’t think that the things I teach through Black Girl Bliss will work for them because they have this or that going on, I always think of Untamed as proof that centering yourself and your desires and living from a space of commitment to your own authentic self and spiritual connection is not only possible but necessary regardless of your perceived limitations based on your current life circumstances.
Two other books that inspire me in the same way and explore a lot of the same themes and lessons are Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes and Sacred Pampering Principles by Debrena Jackson Gandy.
10) Self-care is a word that has become more popular these days. How do you, the author of books that illustrate the power of self-love and self-care, define this term?
I define self-care as whatever you do that makes you feel the way you want to feel most often. In my second book, PLEASE: Radical Self-Care for Wild Women of Color, I talk about the difference between true self-care and other necessary but different activities that would fall under self-soothing or just general grooming and wellness.
For example, if you want to feel sensual, luxurious, and peaceful on the regular basis, what actions are you taking to feel that way now? What do you need to stop doing or allowing that is keeping you from feeling the way you want to feel? This is where self-care starts. But if you’re not clear on how you want to feel and you think self-care is just facials and green juice and shopping and binging TV shows, then it’s no wonder that you’re feeling bored, underwhelmed, and uninspired.
11) How can we best support you?
I’m always grateful when people purchase books, enroll in BGB classes and programs, or join the BGB Patreon (patreon.com/BlackGirlBliss). Talking about Black Girl Bliss with people who would benefit from the books, classes, and community is free and super helpful. And of course engaging with Black Girl Bliss on social media and sharing the content, specifically on Twitter @BlackGirlBliss, Instagram @BlackGirlBlissOfficial, and TikTok @BlackGirlBlissOfficial.